The 21st Century in Perspective

Dr. Zaphod Stargazer III is Professor of Facebook Archeology at the University of New Tokyopolis and has devoted his existence to the academic study of the 21st century. He has published over 11 trillion articles on the subject, including, most famously, a PhD on the importance of Farmville in 21th century society, and is widely regarded as the foremost authority in the field of Facebook Studies. The following holo-article of his was first cyber-published in "Mars Today", on the 34th of Octember, 2753.

In a time when any kind of religious activity is (quite rightly) forbidden by our robotic overlords, it is hard to imagine that religion once played an integral part in humanoid society. Recent Facebook excavations have unearthed many religious artifacts that go so far as to suggest that 21st century humanoids, quite literally, could not live without religion. This article attempts to provide an overview of some of the 21st century most important religious movements, and their place in pre-cyborgian society.


1. LOLCATZISM












The Lolcatz-cult was undoubtedly the most widespread religion of the 21st century. In terms of followers, numbers ranged well into the millions, perhaps even billions. Lolcatzists, as the name implies, worshiped a variety of cat gods whom they referred to as 'Lolcatz'. Lolcat-shrines have been found all over the Facebook, dating back to as far as 2006 (348 Before the Second Coming of Chuck Norris). A Lolcat-shrine typically consists of a crude image of one of the many cat gods, embellished by cryptic inscriptions in a language vaguely resembling Post-Shakespearean Anglo-Saxon.

Modern scriptologists have until now failed to decipher the meaning of the scripture, but it is suspected that the inscriptions expressed moral and ethical guidelines that Lolcatz-followers were expected to obey. The origin of Lolcatzism can be traced back to both the ancient Egyptian Bastet-cult (for its worshiping of cats) and the Jewish Kabbala (for its incomprehensible gibberish).


2. GAGAÏSM









Gagaïsm was, Facebook-archeologists agree, the second most important religion of the 21st century. Unlike Lolcatzism, Gagaïsm was distinctly monotheistic in nature. Gagaïsts, or 'Little Monsters', as they called themselves, believed in just the one deity: a fertility goddess which they called 'Gaga' or 'Lady Gaga'. The Gaga was a deeply vengeful goddess, demanding constant tribute, most commonly in the form of human sacrifice. For example, sources show that the Gaga was known to wear the flesh of slaughtered subjects as an article of clothing. Gagaïsm can be traced back to traditional christian Marian devotions and Satanism.


3. BIEBEROLOGY












Bieberology was a short-lived yet important religious movement that rose to prominence in the beginning of the 21st century. Like Gagaïsm, it was essentially a monotheistic religion, centered around a charismatic deity known as 'The Bieber'. Unlike the barbaric Gagaïsm however, Bieberology celebrated a life of peacefulness and contemplation. Followers of Bieberology (or 'Beliebers') often gathered in multitudes to sing celebratory hymns encouraging love and understanding. The rise of Bieberology was tragically cut short, however, when all of its followers perished after being afflicted with a mysterious disease 21st century shamans referred to as 'Bieber Fever'.


CONCLUSION:

The 21st century was without a shadow of a doubt the most enlightened period in the whole of humanoid history. Its abundance of and variety in religious movements suggest that 21st century humanoids were deeply spiritual beings who cherished complex metaphysical debate above all. Thus, one would be tempted to conclude that 21st century society had a lot to teach us, and that its utter and complete annihilation by the hands of The Great Robotic Uprising of 2014 might possibly maybe perhaps have been a slight mistake in a way. Luckily, I have not been programmed to experience such sensations as 'temptation' or 'regret', so I will simply finish by saying: "All Hail the Great Unicron!"